Part II: The Older I Get The More I Miss The English Language

         Someone I really like has just been promoted, I think. The major
   news outfit he works for has named him and another guy Ingest
   Managers. According to the announcement, these lads "will serve as
   the first points of contact for all feed, tape and disk ingest."
         I've ingested a lot of things I shouldn't have - my biggest failings 
   are large chocolate bars after a huge meal and a generous goblet of
   brandy after many adult beverages - but I've never indulged in the eating
   of tape or disks. I wonder what sort of wine you serve with a 1997 tape
   of "Meet The Press."
         You have to be careful how you say "Ingest Manager." If you over- 
   heard someone talking about this job, you might think they were 
   making fun of it and were calling my friend an In Jest Manager. Look-
   ing back on my own days as a manager and all the clowning around I 
   did, maybe that's what my title should have been. I wasn't the Executive
   Editor. I was the In Jest Manager. A joke, although I would like to think
   that a few people thought I was only a loud, opinionated roughneck who
   meant well.
         If you weren't listening closely, you could also possibly think my
   friend's new position was Incest Manager, a vital post at summer camp 
   to make sure teenage cousins of the opposite sex keep a proper distance.

         The announcement about the Ingest Managers said they would 
   "develop and implement a new workflow for the intake of material."
   Journalists don't have trouble collecting material. The tough part is
   deciding what to throw away, what not to use. Will there be another
   company memo shortly naming two Egest Managers? I only know
   that "egest" is the opposite of "ingest" because I looked it up.

        When you get a new assignment and a new title, it's human nature to
   want to tell your family and friends and brag a little. My friend (let's call
   him Matthew because he does have a biblical name but that isn't it) is
   smart, and I can't imagine him firing off e-mails and making phone calls
   letting people know that he is now an Ingest Manager. Maybe he's
   spreading the news about a new job but not mentioning the title.

         Could Matthew and the other guy ask that the job title be changed to
   something less ridiculous? Even Collection Agent would be better than
   Ingest Manager. And if Matthew decides someday to seek a job at another
   news organization is he really going to put Ingest Manager on his
   resume? Won't a sharp executive at a competing organization find that
   funny?
          "You were a what? An Ingest Manager? You got to be kidding! What
   the hell is that?"

         Wait a second, Larry. What's wrong with you? If one news outfit has an
   Ingest Manager, before long so will others. Networks in particular love to
   copy what their competition does. It won't be long before the world is
   faced with The Invasion Of The Ingest Managers! When they make the
   movie, I think Nicolas Cage should play Matthew.