A dispute over the quality of a completed story assignment is
reported to have led a veteran editor of The Washington Post to
punch a reporter after the reporter called him a three-syllable
word beginning with "c." Every account of the incident I've read
indicates the word wasn't "cowpuncher."
I slugged a writer in the stomach one night while working as an
editor at Radio Free Europe in Munich. My punch was thrown after
the writer -- returning from a long, liquid supper break -- poured a
cup of coffee and brandy on my head. When the writer, younger
and bigger, backed me up against a row of mail boxes, I told him
I wasn't going to fight him but was going to call security.
On my way to get a guard, I changed my mind. By the time I
returned to the newsroom, the writer was gone. He had jumped
out a window. Fortunately for him, the English-language news-
room was on the first floor and not the third. As I recall, he missed
a day or two of work because of a broken elbow.
The fact that these two incidents are more than 30 years apart
indicates to me that newsrooms have waited far too long to institute
an Editors' Code Of Conduct. Here's a rough draft of what one
might look like.
I ( insert name ) do hereby pledge that I will never slap, stab,
slug, shoot, strangle, or suffocate a writer/reporter or scream "you
stupid son-of-a-bitch" or "you're the biggest asshole I've ever met
and you obviously come from a long line of assholes" when the
aforementioned person turns over copy, either near or far from
deadline, in which:
---The lead sentence begins with the word "meanwhile."
---The lead sentence is 87 words long, has nine commas, four
parenthetical thoughts and ends with a question mark.
---Montana is described as a state in the Midwest.
---The writer/reporter, when questioned about a key element
in the story, says, "How would I know? I don't understand it
myself."
---A person named Miles Brewster IV is quoted as an eyewitness
to a big apartment fire in Connecticut when three weeks earlier
a Miles Brewster IV was said to be the only person who saw a
mother of three drive her car with the kids inside it into a lake
in Utah.
---The name of the town from which the reporter is allegedly
reporting is consistently misspelled.
---The lead paragraph says so-and-so was badly hurt in an
accident, and the fact that this person is now the late so-and-so
is buried in the 11th paragraph.
---Either the expression "as everyone now knows" or "as is
obvious to anyone" is used.
---The writer/reporter refuses to include any meaningful
background information, claiming "we've already reported
that."
---Glenn Beck is presented as speaking for "Middle America,"
wherever that is.
---The copy looks exactly like what was on the AP wire minutes
ago, including the same five typos.
---An analysis piece ends with the words "only time will tell."
---The writer/reporter misuses (after having the difference
explained to him 2,367 times) the words "infer" and "imply."
---The writer/reporter, when asked about a quote that doesn't
make sense, says, "Well, I think that's what she said. I didn't write
that part down."
---Any politician who isn't from the East Coast or the West Coast
is said to be "a leading representative of the Bible Belt."
---The winners of the World Series are called the "World
Champions."
That's as far as I've got. The Editors' Code Of Conduct probably
would also need a line or two reminding editors that there should
be no uninvited touching of other staff members (either above or
below the waist), and a reiteration that baseball bats, blow torches
and hedge trimmers are forbidden on the premises.
(Posted November 5, 2009)