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Marking Our 50th Anniversary

         Irene and I aren't the sentimental kind, so when our 50th anniversary
   rolled around we gave no thought at all to the possibility of renewing our
   vowels. I did, however, propose that we renew our consonants. Living with
   another human being for a long time means you automatically associate
   certain consonants with aspects of your companion's behavior. I could
   have said "annoying behavior" but that would have been redundant.
 
        Here's the renewed consonant list I came up with.
 
   

         B as in better. Better make it a double.
 
        C as in can't. Can't hear a word you're saying with the dishwasher on.

         D as in don't. Don't start in about what are we going to do if the stock
   market tanks again. I don't know. That's my answer. It doesn't matter how
   many times you ask the question.
 
        F as in forget. Forget it, will you? I did not say that your cooking was
   better ten years ago.
 
        G as in good. Good and late is what we're going to be if you don't
   decide which blouse to wear and get in the car.

         H as in hips. Hips aren't everything. You still have good skin.
 
        J as in ja. Ja, ja. Whatever you say.

         K as in keep. Keep telling you - you can kiss your computer goodbye
   when it starts making noises like that.
 
        L as in love. Love the way you wiggle your fanny when grating cheese.
 
        M as in money. Money isn't everything. Sorry, just joking.

         N as in now. Now that you mention it, a triple rather than a double
   does sound good.

         P as in pushups. Pushups aren't really all that good for you. I'm pretty
   sure I read that some place the other day.
 
        Q as in quit. Quit asking me where your glasses are. If you wore them
   all the time like you should, you'd know. 

        R as in remember. Remember how you always complain you have
   a  stomach ache after you order the fried duck sandwich with extra mayo
   and fries?
 
        S as in sighing. Sighing when we first sit down at my sister's is really,
   really annoying. Why do you do that?

        T as in tedious. Tedious is a perfect description of most ski stories - I'll
   give you that. 

         V as in very. Very little I can do about that leak in the shower. You
   know that, so why do you keep bringing it up?

         W as in when. When are you going to stop complaining about your
   back and go see a doctor?

         X as in Xeroxing. Xeroxing my butt on the office copy machine doesn't
   strike you as being very professional. Who cares? It got a laugh.
 
        Y (the sometime consonant) as in you. You can't be serious about
   never watching the Academy Awards again just because James Dean
   didn't win. That was more than half a century ago. Get over it.

         Z as in zip. "Zip it" seems to be about the only thing you say to me
   these days when we have company. 
 
 

         I'm still waiting to see Irene's list, if she drew up one. She ignores
   almost all my suggestions, a policy she has strictly adhered to for the last
   50 plus years. That's probably best for both of us. She was co-salutatorian
   of her high school class while miles away I was class clown and proud of
   it. Not a whole hell of a lot has changed since then.
 

  

 



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