(To my Frankfort, Indiana classmates: Don’t take this seriously. I’m just kidding. Most of the time, anyway.)
Dear Class of 1955:
With our 55th class reunion behind us, it’s time to start generating ideas to make our 60th more exciting and, frankly, more relevant than our previous get-togethers have been.
Please don’t think it’s too early. 2015 will be here before we know it, and, to be blunt about it, when it does come, some of us may not know it.
Hoping to spark a cascade of proposals for consideration by the Reunion Committee, here are some thoughts off the top of my head.
… On arrival, class members are deliberately given the wrong name tag but pin it on anyway. We then have to circulate through the room until we find the person wearing our tag. This should encourage more general socializing than in the past and perhaps even some inappropriate touching. Isn’t it about time some of us got over our shyness?
… On our way outside for the class picture, we have to walk across an electronic strip to be weighed. (I’m guessing that Home Depot will have these strips by 2015.) After the picture is taken, a raffle is held to guess the total weight of the class. (Maybe those thieves at Jim & Milly’s Restaurant will donate a $50 gift certificate to the winner. Then again, maybe not.)
… During dinner, a sheet of paper is passed around for everyone to enter the name of the classmate they believe was the most likely to succeed but didn’t. The results will be made public only if the vote is unanimous and the “winner” is either deceased or not present. (Anyone who knows me knows my candidate for this. How she ruined the family business in three short years still baffles me.)
… Between the entrée and dessert, we each take turns telling the rest of the class what body parts we’re missing. There would be a strict 15-second time limit on this. This would not be Show And Tell. Only Tell.
… Another sheet of paper is passed around at some point for class members to list the one person they don’t remember being in our class or the one person they wish hadn’t been. The results would be sealed in envelopes to be picked up at the end of the evening when the class picture is ready.
… If the Reunion Committee people don’t like the above suggestion, then maybe let classmates list one person they considered a real klutz in high school but who they now realize isn’t.
… After dessert, we play spin the bottle at each table. Lots of us used to love to play this despite loud moans about how much we hated it. If the Reunion Committee can’t scrounge up enough old milk bottles, no problem. Pill bottles and bourbon bottles will work just as well. (Most of us carry a pill bottle or two, and I personally know at least two class members who never leave home without a bourbon flask. Sorry, make that at least three class members.)
… Wherever the 60th reunion is held, big signs should be posted in the bar area stating, “ABSOLUTELY NO FLOSSING.” It would also be a good idea to instruct the bartender not to put out little dishes of pretzels or goldfish. I can’t be the only one who was thoroughly disgusted by the actions of one class member slouched over the bar last September with floss wrapped around his fingers.
… The Reunion Committee should give serious thought to moving up dinner time to 4:30 p.m. Isn’t 5:00 p.m. awfully late for many folks?
… Before the evening ends, we have a show of hands vote on the most useless course we had to take 60 years ago. Shop and Home Ec would be excluded because everyone knew at the time - even the teachers - how ridiculous they were. Our vote would be forwarded to the current superintendent of schools. They probably aren’t teaching the same useless junk these days, but they’ve got to be doing something just as dumb or dumber.
Looking forward to seeing everyone in 2015.
Larry “Monk” McCoy
P.S. Between now and the next reunion, could someone please have a word with Jim Sloan and tell him no man in his mid-70s has hair that color and he looks ridiculous?
(Posted February 3, 2011)