In the past year I’ve read the obituaries of two people I used to work with that bore no resemblance to the persons I knew. Both obits, unfortunately, made fantastic claims about their talents, accomplishments, and influence in journalism.
(My editor suggests I write one of these days about the many talented people I have worked with, and I will but right now the subject is misleading obits.)
I don’t think it’s speaking ill of the dead to object when an obituary is so overblown that even the deceased might find it embarrassing. During my years working with these two people, I found them both to be competent journalists when not distracted by their individual vices, which was all too often.
It’s a challenge to know what to say about people you spent many hours side-by-side with, but who were, in your view, troubled and, worst of all, couldn’t always be counted on when deadlines approached. The trick is to find a clever way to say something that is civil and respectful but also accurate.
One newsroom where I worked sent a manager to cover a major international conference. Most of his copy, in my opinion, badly missed the point, so I extensively re-wrote it. The manager-reporter called the boss one day and asked what our readers thought of his work. “They like what they’ve been getting,” the boss replied. While the manager-reporter probably interpreted that as high praise, it wasn’t until he returned that he saw what I, a cheeky subordinate, had done to his precious copy. Our boss had been honest, but the manager-reporter had heard what he wanted to hear.
With that in mind, I offer the following suggestions on what you can truthfully say if asked about a deceased co-worker who wasn’t exactly gangbusters on the job.
“When Bill was on his game, there was no one better.” (Real meaning: Bill was never on his game.)
“Sharon was the easiest person in the world to work with.” (Real meaning: She was a nincompoop and knew it, so she stayed out of your way.)
“Always tried his best.” (Real meaning: And his best was never quite good enough.)
“We’ll all miss Paul.” (Real meaning: For a week. Maybe.)
“She was very dedicated and very determined.” (Real meaning: Dedicated to self-promotion and determined to suck up to all the bosses.)
“Ralph always had a smile and never got flustered.” (Real meaning: He didn’t have a clue.)
“A joy to be around.” (Real meaning: If you have a soft spot for morons.)
“Lenny always welcomed new staff members and was very helpful to them” (Real meaning: Lenny knew if the new folks stayed around for more than six months he would be taking orders from them.)
“Barbara was one of a kind.” (Real meaning: Thank heavens.)
“That’s such sad news about Mark. He was so, so young.” (Real meaning: And so unbelievably immature.)
“It was a privilege to have worked with Katherine. She was incredibly talented and her job was her life.” (Real meaning: How sad is that?)
“One of the most unusual persons I’ve ever met.” (Real meaning: An absolute jerk.)
“No one ever said a bad word about Janet.” (Real meaning: She was so hopeless why waste your breath.)
“Everyone liked Matt.” (Real meaning: Especially when you looked at the schedule and saw he wasn’t on your shift.)
When my time comes, I’m hoping anyone who might have liked working with me won’t use any of the lines above. I would, however, appreciate something a little more flowery than “I’d rather not comment.”
(Posted February 18, 2011)