If you're still working - and I hope you are because I need that
   Social Security check every week - the World Series gives you a
   perfect excuse to pretend your office is a ballpark and to mimic
   some of the endlessly annoying things both players and fans do
   at Yankee Stadium and elsewhere.

       Acting like the players means:

 ·        Wearing gloves at your desk and readjusting and tightening them
every 15 seconds. Readjusting and tightening them every 15 seconds.

·        When you're not wearing the gloves, licking your fingers almost constantly, regardless of where you've just had your hands - be it changing cartridges in the printer or wiping up the clam chowder
you dribbled all over your computer keyboard.

·        Spitting sunflower seed shells, tobacco juice and old-fashioned
saliva wherever and whenever you feel like it.

·        Blowing bubbles at the most inappropriate times.  (If there is a
staff meeting during the Series, you might want to blow the
biggest bubble anyone has ever seen right as the big head
cabbage is carrying on about the latest sales numbers.)

·        Scratching yourself thoroughly, especially in the frontal zone,
four or five times a day but only when you know everyone is
watching.

·        High fiving, low fiving, middle fiving, chest bumping, dancing,
hugging every employee in sight whenever the company gets
some good news. (This is so invigorating you may want to keep
doing it after the Series.)

·        Frowning as hard as you can throughout the work day, and, if
anyone asks, "What's wrong?," bark back at them, "Nothing. This
is my game face, Dummy."

       Acting like the fans means:

·        Chanting "bullshit, bullshit" over and over whenever a decision is
made that you don't agree with. If that gets tiresome, then adjust
the chant to your geographical location. In my part of the world
that would be "Boston Sucks."

·        Taping big "Ks" - the scoring symbol for a strikeout - along the
walls of your cubicle every time one of your bosses says something ridiculous about business, politics, sports or life. (Your cubicle will
soon be loaded with "Ks" and known throughout the building as

        "K-ville.")

·        Finding your sweatiest, most stained baseball hat and wearing
that sucker in the office at all times with the bill backwards.

·        Holding your hand in the air every 20 minutes or so and shouting,
"Beer man!"

       Enjoy the games as best you can, both on the diamond and at the
   office.

       P.S. Did I mention readjusting and tightening gloves every
   15 minutes?

               
               (Posted October 23, 2009)